Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
