I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
