She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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