Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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