eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
