I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
