If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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