We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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