Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
