You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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