Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
