And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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