nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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