Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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