Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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