I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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