i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
