I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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