Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize