We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
