By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
