We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
