Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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