Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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