I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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