So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
