im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
