You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
