Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my vag is so smooth its legendary
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
