i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
