can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
