i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
