i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
