I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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