I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
