I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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