Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
