I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize