I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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