textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
