last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
