I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
