i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
