Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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