If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
