Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
