apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
