Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You have to summon your inner elephant
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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