Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
