I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
