A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you would pick up someone in the library
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Boobs are out for the taking
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
