he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
