I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
