put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
