my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
