Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize