I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize