I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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