Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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