My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
