I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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