I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
