i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
