hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
