I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
