I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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