My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
