my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
