duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
