Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
