Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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