two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm always down for nudity.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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