dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
