someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
