when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
